The White Wolf Journal
Awesome Things That Have Happened
This is my Testimony Journal. Here you will find amazing stories about my Prayer Life, My devotionals, and Faith. Demonstrating that walking the walk does indeed manifest the things of God!
- Opens Prison Doors And Sets The Captives Free
- Be Present To Life And Ministry
- Listen To The Still Small Voice - Do Not Doubt It
- Double For Trials And Tribulations
- Faith When It Is Not Right
- God is not linear - A Breakthrough Prayer
Opens Prison Doors Sets The Captives Free
I was in a long term relationship with a very dysfunctional Man. Just about every week major issues would crop up and then the apologies would come, followed by the honeymoon experience. It was a classic cycle of abuse situation. It seems that he was never satisfied with my behavior or my ability to make him happy. To top it all off he was a devout Atheist and I was struggling to be a dedicated man of God. For this story's purposes his name shall be called Todd.
After we had been together a few years. I had made the mistake of inviting a third Man into our relationship. He was a severe alcoholic who was quite literally trying to numb the pain with alcohol abuse. He joined a fundamentalist Church as a teenager and was instrumental in converting his parents to the Religion. It backfired on him severely. When he came out of the closet to them and let them know that he was Gay. They kicked him out of the house. I will call this one Sam.
Living with these two men became a total love hate relationship. I would try and try to love them. But it seemed the harder that I tried, the worse their hate would become. I would try and try to let both Todd and Sam know that I had unconditional love for them. This became a huge thorn in Sam’s side. He wanted nothing to do with the love of Christ. He was that wounded.
During my time with these two Men. I would try to do my best to maintain a discipline of Study, Prayer, and Meditation. Seeking the Arrow of Truth for myself. I really believe that God had to separate us in order for me to become the Minister I am today. I was given a lot of grief for the lyrics in the songs I would write, or my position on Spiritual things. It was a constant struggle in our house. There was always an oppressive force that did its best to keep me from connecting in the right relationship with my God.
We would become more and more distant. Mostly because I became tired of hearing the same old lines. I started staying in my own room and not interacting with them much at all. Just avoiding them in my own apartment at all costs. Most of my money would go to the bills, most of their money went to the party.
One morning it all came to a head. Sam decided to start giving me a lot of grief. He kept opening my bedroom door and yelling at me, then slamming it. I had it at this point and came out of my room. I was ready to knock him out. He started screaming You don’t hit me! I told him you’re not worth it. Then I turned around and started walking away. It was at this time that Todd came storming into the room yelling What the hell is wrong with you! and shoved me super hard into the dishwasher. I got really mad and grabbed a plate and threw it at a wall where no one was standing. Then left the room. They went downstairs, I didn’t know it but they proceeded to call the police on me at that point. I screamed down the stairs into the basement. You can have it all. Then I left with my walker. I got about two blocks away and several police cars swooped in and arrested me. In Wisconsin, it is state Law that when one calls the Police, The other goes to Jail automatically.
They took me to Jail and made me strip completely and then threw me into a very dirty jail cell. I was naked and wearing some kind of a strange padded apron thing. The cell walls had feces and urine all over them. I was locked up for three days and refused to eat in those conditions. Because I was so cold and I suffered from an autoimmune disease. I was shaking a lot the entire time in the Jail. It was terribly cold and I was spiking with muscle fevers. The Jail psychologist would harass me twice a day like clockwork. At one point even accusing me of being a heroin addict and going through withdrawals. I let him know that he had no clue what he was doing and that he was more qualified to be a dishwasher.
Finally on the third day, I had enough of this madness. So I rolled over onto my knees and began to pray. I said out loud God you know my heart, I did not deserve this. I am asking you to not even let me see the Judge. Just release me from this cell and let me go! A short time had passed and the Jail Bailiff opened the cell door and said come on it is time to go before the Judge. I started to sit up and was waiting for them to give me my walker. When the other Deputy pulled him aside and whispered something to the Bailiff. The bailiff reacted with an angry tone and slammed the door shut. Around twenty minutes went by and yet another Deputy showed up and opened the Cell Door. He said to me You are free to leave.
I did not go before a Judge. I was set free and Spirit released me from that nightmare! Always remember Beloved that God is faithful! That was the beginning of my journey where I established a deeper relationship with God. I studied harder than ever before. I developed a constant Prayer and Meditation Practice. God had to separate the three of us. I would have never been able to become the Minister that I am today. Had I remained with them.
I've got a river of Life flowing down in me.
Makes the Lame to walk, and the Blind to see!
Opens Prison Doors, Sets the Captives free!
I've got a river, I've got a river of life!
Be Present To Life And Ministry
Being present to life is accepting Divine order in all things. Knowing when to put your best foot forward for humanity is a powerful blessing. Listening to the Spirit of God when moved upon you. Can provide amazing results for yourself and others.
My focus has been for many years now to be a person that continuously looks for an opportunity to perform the mitzvah. While the literal translation of mitzvah is a command, I prefer the translation of being a connection to God by doing a good or praiseworthy deed for another human being.
We can change the world if we choose to. How? By being present in the moment and following through when opportunities arise. Many years ago when I was in my wheelchair, I was sitting outside weaving one of my peace baskets and basking in the warm rays of the sun. My focus and meditation is always to send vibes of peace while performing the action of making the baskets. I was always "weaving" peace. A man in his mid-thirties was walking really fast past me, huffing, he looked angry. You could just feel that he was having a terrible day. I stomped my foot and said “Hey” he stopped, and with a bitter tone said “What?” I then pointed up at the sun and said: “Look that beautiful sun is shining!” He paused and slowly his angry face melted into a sense of peace and calm. Then he walked at a leisurely pace away from me. I thought it was done. Several minutes went by, when I heard a car horn, I looked up and saw a car driving away with an arm extended out the driver's side window pointing up at the sun. So yes, we can change the world by reaching out to one person at a time.
That man could have chosen to not accept my love that day. The issue isn’t to focus on what someone might do with your expression of peace, the focus is and always should be to practice peace. If it doesn’t affect an individual directly, it very well could transfer to someone else, that might have an impact on the very person who originally shunned your kindness.
Listen To The Still Small Voice - Do Not Doubt It
My biological family and I have been separated and severely estranged for years. I had made several attempt through the years to connect. But we all were just on very different wave lengths and frequencies. So I had eventually moved on and reconciled this. I had decided that the best way to complete the separation was to go through an identity change. I felt to go with my birth name was to easily identifiable as my family had become local legends in the Madison, Wisconsin area. They were even known in some circles well beyond Madison, and even beyond the State of Wisconsin.
so i began a journey, I had Prayed and Meditated about a name change for a long time. I had come up with the name Ari-John White-Wolf. Ari-John was a marriage between Judaic and Christian Beleifs. Something that I had identified with heavily. It translates to Beloved Lion. I go by AJ with most people as they usually call me Ari or John. But my first name is two names. Ari by itself means I am just a Lion. But coupled with John. I am not so ferocious but loving and kind. Hence the name Ari-John. It worked for me. I was ok with that part. The White-Wolf part is due because my mother was one of those Native American mixed race children who was taken away from her family and adopted out. To this day I feel a very strong connection to very Ancient Ancestors on various sacred lands. Even though my Tribe did not come from Madison. I still feel a connection. Truth be told that because my Mother was adopted out. There was no record of a Tribe. So this part of my heritage is unknown. I had decided that White-Wolf was a very arrogant thing to come up with and dropped it.
I went so through turbulent times and had to traverse my own dark night of the soul after a bitter and violent break up. It nearly tore my psyche apart. I am quite sure that I had a nervous breakdown. I was definitely suicidal. I spent some time in the V.A. Hospital Psyche Ward on two occasions. I was so incredibly broken, but still had a relationship with God. I would end up at a small Church on Madison Wisconsin's South East Side. Unity Of Madison Church was a breath of fresh air to me. It held me when I was in my dark place. People there Ministered to me and loved me with a kind of empathy and caring that I had not known in a very long time. There was a married couple there, Pete and Aine. I had asked them to pray about a name change for me. Not even two weeks later. Aine pulled me aside and said We have prayed about it, we think you should honor your Native American Heritage and go as White-Wolf. Pete and Aine had no idea that I had previously gone as White-Wolf!
I put my hands up in the air later that day and surrendered to God. I said OK God, I won't fight you on this. Messaged received! To this day I go as AJ or Ari-John White-Wolf. I am grateful for these two, a Man and a Woman of God. A couple of years had passed and one day I mentioned to Pete that I was going by that name a year before he and his wife picked it for me. He was astonished and amazed.
The important message in this is. When we pray and seek counsel from God. We should not second guess the message that comes through the still small voice. It springs forth from the belly like a river of living water. We definitely can confirm it with other's in Prayer and Meditation. But learn to listen to the voice of God and know that it truly is the Divine Source speaking to us. Amen
Fall of 2008
Double For Trials And Tribulations
December 26, 2020
Faith When It Is Not Right
Prayer Shawls and Swatches
I have been working with Homeless and at Risk people. Often I give Cold Weather Clothing Items such as Hats, Gloves, Jackets, Thermals, and various Hygiene items away to complete strangers. Doing their best through no fault of their own to survive.
At one of the Church's that I attend regularly there is a Prayer Shawl Ministry. They basically meet once a month and knit Prayer Shawls to be given away to various people. Sometimes it is someone who is traversing their own dark night of the soul. Other times it is someone stepping specifically into a position within their community. Such as a new Minister arriving at the Church to become the Congregation's Leader.
Since I embarked on this Ministry in July of Twenty-Nineteen. I began reaching out to other local Religious and Spiritual Institutions. One such Church, Bashford United Methodist Church. Drew me in with a banner on the outside of their building in Rainbow Colors. It said All Means All. I did not attend their services right away. I read a little bit about them first. What I discovered was that these people genuinely were hungry for more than the usual Church platitudes. So after praying and meditating about it. I decided to visit them.
After a short time there I was invited to speak on the Sunday before Veteran’s Day. The Pastor, The Reverend Amanda Stein, had felt that she did not have the capacity to speak to Veteran’s as she herself had not served in the Military and asked me if I would be willing to do so. I did and shared my story with the congregation. It was well received.
It was at this time that I was collecting clothing at another church, and another location to add to my arsenal of cold weather items for Homeless people. Bashford had put a table out for me, and the Saints of that Church were invited to bring items to drop off for the homeless people of Madison. The table was covered with a plethora of wonderful items of clothing and personal hygiene items.
I believe heavily on the reliance of Prayer and Meditation. It is a daily practice for me. I pray without ceasing. Even when in conversations with others. In the back of my mind, the constant communion with God, and the Oneness with God is ever present. It had occurred to me based on Unity Of Madison’s Prayer Shawl Ministry. That Homeless people potentially could greatly benefit from such things. So I began to pray for Prayer Shawls and Pocket sized Prayer Shawls too.
A few weeks later, A Woman of God at Bashford approached me as many in the Church had been doing. She asked me if there was anything specifically that she could come up with for my Homeless Ministry. My response was simple, I had wished that I had Prayer Shawls and pocket swatches that could be blessed and given to people on the streets. That those prayers would help them to be safe, and to rise up off the streets with infinite blessings.
God is not linear. This is a lesson that was taught to me through all of this. When Sandy came to me and asked me what specifically I needed for my Ministry. I was open and honest with her. Little did I know that Sandy and her Daughter Jo Ellen, had been silently knitting Prayer Shawls and Pocket Swatches for Months! These two Women had no idea who they were making these things for, only that they were called to do it. Basically this Breakthrough Prayer was possible because of my own faith and belief that God hears my prayers. I had prayed for something very specific. Then God reached back in time and impressed upon these two Saints of God to begin the work. I did not know where or how these items were to come to pass for homeless peoples. But they did come to pass, and it was made possible by an incredibly awesome present God!
Sister Sandy showed up the following Sunday with two very full garbage bags full of Prayer Shawls and Swatches! Then the following Sunday after that. I was given permission by Pastor Amanda and Deacon Kory to lay the Prayer Shawls out on the alter. It was fitting that another member of Bashford who also had a time period of homelessness, helped me to spread the Shawls out on the Alter on the platform in front of the Congregation. Pastor Amanda gave her message for that Sunday, Then after the normal rituals of the Church had been completed. She invited all of the members of both morning services to come down to the front and Prayer over these Beautiful multi colored Shawls and Bless them to become a blessing to Homeless people's!
A couple of months after this I attended a Workshop at the request and invitation of Pastor Amanda to go to Sugar River Church in Verona Wisconsin. The Speaker’s name was The Reverend Sue Nilson Kibbey. The Workshop was on Breakthrough Prayer Initiatives. During my time in this Workshop. I hung onto the edge of my seat with tremendous joy and excitement. This Woman of God was sharing her experiences with helping Churches and giving Testimonies of the wonderful powerful works of God’s people and the Holy Spirit’s answers to those Prayer Techniques.
I have always had a teachable spirit and I am hungry at all times to learn more. To obtain more knowledge. I dig regularly for information that can fine tune my skills into a sharp and effective Ministry. I was elated to hear her speak of things like Coachability, and accountability. I had asked Pastor Amanda in one of our regular Ministerial meetings if she would kind of help me to stay in check. My Ministry was basically a Minister without walls and I had hoped for someone to check in with and help me to see potential pitfalls, or deviations from my purpose as a Man of God and a Minister in the Ministry. She was amazed that I would even think of such a thing. Yes I am an Ordained Interfaith Minister. I could still rely on a Woman of God in the Methodist Church. We both serve the same God.
I have since ordered and studied the book that The Reverend Kibbey had written as a compass for those that wish to partake in Breakthrough Prayer. Some takeaways that I was surprised to find out was that I had already been partaking in Threshold Prayer, Archer’s Prayer, and Prevailing Prayer methods. I just didn’t have a name for them. Now, I do!
The book Flood Gates by The Reverend Kibbey is meant to speak to Churches on how to over come logjams in the Church. I get that, however... The principles still very much apply to my individual Ministry! I am grateful for this Woman of God.