Many years ago I was in therapy with an incredible man, His name was Pancho (Prudencio) Oyarbide. I had struggled for quite some time with various aspects of Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, SAD. This man would teach me a valuable lesson that has stuck with me for many years. He taught me that in most cases there are four variables that can create or maintain constant depression and anxiety. I mention him because I feel that he deserves the respect and props for helping me on my road to recovery.
I grew up in a terribly dysfunctional household. My mother was a black-out drunk. You never knew if you were getting some loving-kindness or a shoe thrown at you. My stepfather would punch me with a closed fist often. My father had basically abandoned me during my formative years. He would come back into my life later on. My mother would abandon me at twelve leaving me on my father's doorstep as she left the State. I did not last long with my father as he would eventually turn me out into the streets to find my own way. I eventually would enlist in the Marine Corps, after a few years I was outed long before don't ask don't tell. During my time on active duty, I had reacted to the smallpox vaccine and had sustained several injuries to my body from trying my best to stay toe to toe with the healthy Marines. These were all contributing factors and fall into one or more of the four-quadrant categories.
The Four Quadrants are:
If one or more of these are missing from one's life. The end result can be catastrophic for a person's mental health. I have looked at this for many years from various angles and I have to concur that in many instances. This is a direct result of problems in my life. If one or more of these quadrants are missing or toxic. I spiral down into a very deep depression.
The first one is very important and critical to living a decent life. Finances is a fancy word for things having to do with financial matters. In other words, Things that have to do with your money. Without some type of income, one can not survive in a capitalistic world. You have to be able to pay the rent, or the mortgage in order to sustain a nice living situation. Food and good nutrition are difficult areas to master if one's finances are severely diminished. We live in an age where we see many of our people suffering due to food insecurity. Meaning that they cannot afford the high prices at the grocery stores. An income is also needed to pay the monthly bills and possibly credit payment dues. All of which are contributing factors to the finances quadrant. Financial health is an important aspect of one's well-being. If you are saddled in debt beyond your ability to pay. Then you end up bankrupt and in financial ruin.
A good place to start is to look up your credit score. I use the Credit Karma App. It is not foolproof and is a generalized overview of your credit report. However, it can help you to locate things that may be on your credit report that you had thought were paid for and done. You can get a free full in-depth credit report on the Annual Credit Report website. A few years ago I ran a report and discovered a large utility bill had never been removed from my credit report. I contacted the agency only to discover that my payments had been going to someone else's account and were not being subtracted from the balance. I also had found a large bill that I had paid off that was never removed for computer equipment purchases. These two aspects were damaging my credit score with a very large negative impact.
I continue to do my best to manage and overcome my debts. Currently, I am saddled with quite a bit of debt from doing my best to replace things lost in an apartment fire on credit. Every month I work at removing a little bit more of that debt. I also make sure to pay all of the current bills on time to avoid charges to my accounts. It also prevents me from losing the services that I need in order to live. Rent, Gas & Electric, Telephone, and Internet bills are all a reality. My strategy, in the long run, is to continue to remove the debt over time. My car payments are finally done in a couple of months. This will free up more funds to pay off other debts. Do it a little bit at a time and over a period of months or maybe years. You will find yourself in good standing with an awesome credit score. As a result of focusing on my credit score for a couple of years. I was able to finance a really nice used vehicle. It is the nicest car that I have ever owned. It is wonderful to not have to worry about it breaking down every week. Peace of mind in that for sure.
The second quadrant is your environment. That can include both your home and workplace. As well as the places you go for entertainment value. If any of this is unhealthy, the mind becomes unhealthy too. This can also include toxins such as a household with black mold in it from dripping water. A home environment that is not peaceful creates incredible amounts of stress and anxiety. This can include who you are in a relationship with be it a spouse or partner, or a live-in roommate situation. Toxic relations create a toxic environment.
A healthy environment makes it easier to connect with the deep. A home filled with clutter and disarray implements chaos in the mind. It is very difficult to be grounded when there is a mess everywhere. I am not saying that your home should be ready for a white-glove inspection. I do my best to maintain a healthy lifestyle and that includes keeping my home a little bit neater and more organized. It is true that being a single person with no children makes this goal a lot easier. So please do not take this paragraph negatively if that is your world.
In my home, I turn off a lot of the noise. What I mean by this is the television is not on very much. It only comes on when I wish to watch some programs. It never is running in the background. The constant chaos of that medium makes it difficult to find your peace. Television broadcasting by definition is sensationalism. The programs and the commercials are designed to keep you hyped up. It is part of the commercialization model. I play a lot of music throughout the day. I avoid music with explicit lyrics. I find it troubling if the song is riddled with anger, sexism, homophobia, or chains that create modern slavery. For this reason, I do not listen to radio stations. Quite often it is a very loud crashing noise. A very difficult method for maintaining peace in the home. I have paid subscriptions to the following apps: YouTube Music, Tidal Music, Paramount +, and HBO Max. I find that this is all that I need. I also enjoy a movie from my DVD collection at times.
The third quadrant is Peers. This can be anyone who you are best buddies with to acquaintances. It can include those with who you are in an emotional relationship with such as a lover, partner, or spouse. If your partner, friend, or acquaintance is toxic toward you in any way. You are going to be a little bit toxic to the rest of the world. Because it is very difficult to be gentle with yourself if you are experiencing abusive relations of any kind.
Trust is a valuable component to maintaining a healthy friendship. If you don't trust a person then there is potential for many toxic outcomes. A good friend and a healthy peer are more than a fair-weather friend. They stick by you during the good and the bad. Regardless if you are loaded with money, or have less than a dollar to your name. These are not the important stuff to a healthy relationship.
A friend who supports you will never repeat what you had said. They leave room for you to tell your story to others. This is key and critical. This can go beyond friendships to acquaintances and people you encounter in your everyday life. In my apartment building, there is an office manager who lets everyone know about your business. It is part of her deflection process. If she is talking about you, then they cannot see what her good and bad personality traits are. Avoiding gossip is imperative to having a healthy relationship.
I was in a very long-term relationship with someone who would manipulate my friendships. It was a control issue for him. He eventually had control of the bank accounts. He even picked out the clothing that I was to wear for the day. There was a tremendous amount of emotional blackmail that would take place. These issues created an unsafe environment for me. There was a terrible cycle of abuse that took place too. Finally, one day after he shoved me around and called the police, which ended up with me being in jail for three days. I had decided that I had enough of this behavior. I cut ties and rebuilt my life.
If a peer is not positive in your life. Then it is time to decide if it is something that you wish to continue. A friend or life partner is respectful, honest, has integrity, shows up when they say they will. Doesn't demand you understand their situation. But just allows life to happen in a natural rhythm. This model can apply to your friendships on social media too. If they insist on your posts to be a different way than what reflects your authentic self. It is ok to remove them from your mutuals and move on.
The fourth quadrant is your purpose. What is it that drives you toward your goals? Is it a relationship? An occupation? A Hobby? All of these are imperative aspects of a good and healthy purpose. There are negative purposes too such as alcoholism or drug addictions. These all play into how one functions with others with their life's walk.
Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.
Your purpose is your personal mission statement. What is it that you are passionate about? The end goal in life should not be a success, it should be your purpose. Finding those things that you truly love and believe in will free your mind from vexing external persuasions. Discovering what is yours to do is some powerful medicine.
My personal purpose is to be very gentle with myself. So that I in turn can be gentle with others. It is imperative to me to be a light and walk the walk in my truth. I am passionate about digging further for knowledge and seeking answers through the application of golden rules. I love music and performing, as well as implementing that via the use of technology. When the pandemic first hit the sphere of the earth, a global shutdown had happened. I seized that opportunity to provide a mindful prayer and meditation program during the week. That program continues to this day.
Your Purpose is what you contribute to others. It is part of your ongoing ability to integrate into society. A healthy purpose is what motivates you to rise up in the morning and tackle the tasks for the day. It is a direct reflection of who you are inside. A healthy purpose is not manipulative but looks for ways to benefit the greater consciousness of things.
Four Legs On A Table
Now picture these four quadrants as legs on a table. One in each corner, with a nice strong tabletop too. The tabletop is your soul, your mind, your strength, and your weaknesses. If one or more of the four quadrants are missing from your life, or they contain toxic energy that disparagingly affects you. Then you try to put any weight on that table. It is going to collapse in the direction of the missing quadrant or quadrants.
When you are able to tie it all together and manifest the four quadrants in a healthy manner. You will find what remains is an incredibly powerful individual with tremendous self-esteem and empowerment to accomplish anything the mindsets upon.
When I struggle in my life, I look at these four quadrants and analyze what is missing. I generally find that at least two of the quadrants are broken and causing me tremendous upheaval and stress. When I reel it in and repair the damaged quadrant. My life settles down and I become comforted and comfortable again.
A good book to read is a very small piece of literature. You cannot just buy it off the shelf. However, it is available as a print-on-demand book order. The book is called The Three Keys to success by Lord Byron Beaverbrook. A man who went from poverty to riches over the span of his lifetime. In his book, he speaks about the four quadrants in depth. But uses entirely different terminology and phrasing.
The bitterest thing in life is failure
Lord Beaverbrook declares that sound judgment, good industry, and proper whole health are imperative for longevity. I am grateful that he is one of my teachers in all of this. Sound judgment is the ability to manage our finances and have a balanced home life. To accept or deny healthy and toxic people in our lives. Peace already exists it permeates everything. It is negative energy from others that creates chaos and removes our ability to feel that peace. Good Industry is the ability to accomplish the task of embracing what we are passionate about in our purpose. Good health covers all four quadrants. But it also includes the need for the basic exercise of the body and mind. As well as the need for good quality foods in the physical being. Never lose sight that we are all spiritual beings having a very physical experience.
I encourage you today to discover what it is that allows you to connect with your peace. To speak your truth with honest and assertive abilities that express what it is that you need as an individual. If the ones you speak your truth to do not receive your words. Just move on, I think that was the importance of the Gospel saying to dust the dirt from your sandals and continue on your journey. Go in peace beloved, you are worth it.
Document Updated On March 09, 2022
Document Created On March 08, 2022