This morning I remembered some terrible traits in my last relationship. The burden is this, my ex was kinder to strangers. He would tell people that I was just a roommate who demanded sexual favors in exchange for rent. It was never the case. I'll never tolerate such abuse again. The emotional pain that my former lover's inflicted was over the top. When I say he, it means they. I was in a relationship with two men. We lived together. The two of them continuously became sarcastic towards me. If I brought up a topic for discussion. They would immediately take the opposite polar end of the debate. Which is what I never wanted in the first place. I hate politics in relationships with a passion.

I'll probably never do the multiple lovers thing again. My x.x was nothing but mean and nasty. Very rarely was I appreciated with terms of endearment. When drinking was happening. Which was a main part of it all. Violence would erupt on several occasions. Mostly from the same individual.

When you meet a person. The prudent individual would be wise to wait and observe the potential mate. Upon first impressions it is very easy to keep hidden dysfunctional habits. Over time a person becomes relaxed and less polite. This generally is that individuals true nature. People for the most part are repetitive. So they won't be able to hide their true colors for very long. Sooner or later, those severe issues will pop up and reveal themselves. Then one can make the decision if a person is dating material.

If the person who is a potential mate. Does not maintain employment for long periods of tenure. They are probably no good for long term relationships. A person who has not been able to keep a job for a year. Is probably only good for a few dates. They will loose interest in you very quickly. These type of individuals are forever shopping for their next pleasure. So they can't even maintain or keep a good job.

The being who gossips about co-workers. Will also gossip about lovers and friends. Gossip is dangerous and a destroyer of relationships. I feel a reason for this is located in the position of a biased opinion. One sided arguments bring no flavor to relationships. One has to be willing to grow beyond their strict positions. Otherwise, there will be a tendency for draconian leadership. Rather than balanced communications. When one gossips about another. They are presenting their bias. There is no allowance for defense on the part of the person being spoken against.

American culture tends to rush into things head strong. There is a problem with this method. When you rush a relationship ahead of its time. You will loose steam just as quickly. The end result of this is a lot of heartache. There is a trend to just get together with someone of mutual attraction. Have sexual relations, then discard each other quickly. It is a form of consumerism. Which is probably the most dysfunctional aspect of our culture. We tend to throw things away before its time. Most often the object being thrown away still has value.

Transients should be avoided at all costs. You have no clue what this persons history is. There is potential for great harm to be inflicted upon your person. It is fairly well known that to move to a strange place. Can be a high stress marker for persons. This is because of a lack of stable income and living space. Some of those who move to another city. Move to escape a situation. The problem with that is, mental health issues follow wherever you go.

A potential partner should be in the same living space for a long period of time. One reason for this is, when someone moves into a place. Everything gets put in order and maintained for a short while. Over a long period of time you will see how they live in their dwelling. A dwellings hygiene is just as important as individual cleanliness. If there is a lot of dirt or filth. Then the individual probably is dirty on the inside. The home that is out of order and clutter. Generally is a spiritual reflection. This is what is going on inside of the soul. It is a mirror into the mind of an individual.

Never move in with each other right away. This is cause for red flags! This is a dysfunctional aspect of co-dependency. The need to receive attention and love is greater than the ability to live alone. The person who lives alone, learns to love himself. That person takes greater care of immediate needs. The modern trend is to create a marriage out of mist. Relationships take time to build and maintain. If you move in with someone right away, there is greater potential for a broken heart. Often when strangers get together, they loose sight of what really is. The lustful desires of the heart get confused. The claim becomes love, which is not real. It is purely rooted in mutual attraction. Love is built upon a journey of time and space.

When one lives their lives according to a rigid form. They tend to judge others harshly. This position imposes restriction upon others. When a lover has to expend energy for approval. Then that becomes very taxing and overbearing on the relationship. Often from these narrow views spawns anger and strife against each other. Then there can be no balance and nobody is equal. When you judge your partner, you are placing yourself in a superior position of authority. Then you rule over your lover, rather than co-exist.

Often in Relationships, we mimic our parental units path. Most of the time, people reflect their parents upbringing. If parents were mean and overbearing. The individual tends to lord over the relationship. If there was physical abuse, the tendency will be violent. Another aspect of relationships is if a Parental unit doesn't approve of a lover. Then the relationship is fairly doomed. The programming is there. Children are easily manipulated by parents. They want to please mom and dad. So subconsciously they become irritable and aggressive toward the parter. Who in most cases is guilty of no crime against the relationship.

Drunkenness and drug addiction should be avoided at all costs. This is the biggest and greatest destroyer of relationships. The mind becomes manipulated by the the chemical compounds in the substance. There can be no legitimate balance within a substance abuser. They are forever trying to drown out various mental health issues. This is their coping mechanism. So if they have a problem with an action you did. They will go to the drug, before coming to you with the issue. The whole time claiming that they have to work out the issue for themselves. There is no balance in this type of relationship.

Be careful when meeting a potential lover. With our modern technology we are very well connected. It makes it easier for people who can't raise the bar. To operate and take advantage of others. The Internet should be taken very seriously. Never allow a stranger to come walking into your life. Meet in public spaces. You never know the individual you are meeting could be a serial killer. Caution should always be implemented when meeting a stranger. Don't give out personal information either. Keep your information short and truthful. But don't give to many details. You don't want to be stalked or visited on your job site.

Keep a watchful eye upon potential partners. If they can't treat you with respect and honor. Then there is no reason to continue on with your individual mission. Which is to be happy, not miserable with some idiot. Liars and cheats think they are smart. These types cannot maintain their pretentious projections for very long. You will begin to see into their riddles and know that they are just players playing a game. The person who respects himself. Learns to avoid these pitfalls of dysfunctional relationships.

When a lover is kinder to a stranger then they are to you. This makes for very harsh mental depression. There becomes a lot of issues that are beyond resolution. So bitterness and anger takes root. You will loose sight of your own being.

Relationships that are high maintenance are taxing. If your partner needs you to entertain them all the time. You will only end up at greater distances. Resentment and frustration can take over quickly. You may even find as a result of that type of relation. You pull further and further away from your lover. The happy relationship is the one based on mutual affection. True honest love and virtue for one another. Edification of each others soul is powerful. tearing down of one another goals and purpose. makes for miserable parties.

A partner who doesn't share the burdens, is no partner. If a lover is unwilling to work a job and bring income into the household. Then the ability for the household to pay bills and stay ahead. Becomes a very difficult task to master. No household can exist without equal strengths and support.

Overbearing Abusive relationships should be avoided at all costs. If you are in a physical or mentally abusive association. There can be little hope for equality. Individuals who are abused become property, not lovers. If you are in a caustic relationship. I strongly encourage you to get away as soon as it is safe enough to do so. Seek out appropriate agencies to help if needed.

The most important thing to learn in all of this. If the affair you have with another is not a mutually exclusive relationship. Then one should move on and find someone more compatible. Holding onto individuals who present these previously mentioned things will destroy your very soul.